Warrior Woman

You knocked me down
And tried to keep me there.
You've used me for your own
Pleasure and enjoyment.

You've dirtied me up,
Making me feel used, unwanted.
You've stomped and trampled
Thinking I was broken,
Never to rise again.

But I've got news for you.
You, who are beasts and cowards.
You may have used me then,
But I will not let you win.

I am strong and will fight.
I may tire, but will not quit.
You may have brought me low,
But I will rise again.

I am not afraid of your threats,
Or your cunning ways.
I will fight with all I have,
Because I am a warrior.

Being a warrior means
I am worth fighting for.
I am beautiful, not ugly.
I am strong, not weak.

My precious daughter

Where are you my darling?

Why are you hiding from Me?

I want you to come to Me,

I love you with an everlasting love.

I see you hiding there,

In the dark, lonely corner.

You hide in fear

From those around you.

I see your bleeding heart,

Your tear-stained face,

Your broken dreams,

Your devastating sorrow.

I have seen you struggle on,

Trying to make ends meet,

Attempting to fill the

Emptiness you feel inside.

I've watched as you've built

The walls around your heart;

Trying to protect yourself and

Making your heart impenetrable.

Don't you see, My beloved?

I want to heal your wounded soul.

Allow Me to come into the

Fortress built around your heart.

Put down your defenses and

Allow My healing balm to

Enter the crevasses deep

Within your heart.

Open the door to your heart

And I will come in.

Trust in Me as your Strength

And Defender and Healer.

You are My precious daughter,

My beautiful bride, My princess,

My masterpiece. My love

For you is never ending.

Life's Tornado

This is the only poem I have from when I was writing in high school. Even then, I was struggling.

My place is such a wreck.

It looks as if a

Tornado came and camped

Out for the weekend.

There are clothes on the floor.

So much is just clutter,

That even when this place is neat,

It still looks so cluttered.

There are times in life when

It seems that my life

Looks and feels like this place

After a tornado has been through.

On the outside I look like

I have it all together;

Like my life is neat and clean,

And couldn't be much better.

But then on the inside

Where it really matters,

Its like a whirlwind has

Messed me all up instead.

My Teddy Bear

I had been in my late 20's before I ever told anyone about the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child. The only one knew what was happening as a little girl was my teddy bear. I still have this teddy bear too.

You sit on my pillow

Sometimes I take you along,

But at night in my bed,

I hold you very tight.

In your ear, I've whispered

My little girl secrets and fears.

I've told you my darkest secret

That nobody else knows.

After it happens, I lay on my bed

And squeeze you tight.

I'm scared, but can't tell

Anyone except you.

No one can hear me cry,

So I bury my face into you.

You let me cry

And soak up my tears.

I wipe my face;

Take a deep breath;

For I must go out and play

As if nothing happened at all.

A dream

I had attended a post abortion weekend retreat and this is what I had written to read at the memorial service which was given at the end of the weekend.

Laying in the grass, relaxing.

The sunshine beating down.

A slight breeze across the pond.

I fall asleep dreaming.

I'm deep in the woods.

The path is rocky and uneven.

Its dark and creepy.

I feel afraid and alone.

I stumble along wondering

If I'm giong in the right direction.

After what seems like forever,

I see light in the distance.

As I walk closer,

The darkness fades away.

I stand in the clearing

Blocking my eyes from the bright sun.

I hear child like giggles near-by.

Reaching the top of a hill,

I see a group of children

Playing and laughing.

There's a man with them.

He seems so gentle and caring,

Yet strong and comforting.

There is love in His eyes.

The children sit in the grass listening

To Him as He talks to them.

He holds a little girl in His arms

As He talks softly to her.

Quietly, I try to get closer

Wanting to hear what He is saying.

But before I can get close,

He looks up, right into my eyes.

He stood up taking two children

In His arms, with a third

Holding tight onto His leg.

They walked towards me.

I was afraid to look at Him.

He reached up and wiped

My tears away with

His gentle hand.

The children ran to me

Putting their arms around me.

"I love you Mommy"

They all said to me.

I hugged them tight, not

Wanting this moment to end.

Cherishing this time of

Having them in my arms.

A lound crash of thunder

Woke me from my sleep.

I looked for my children,

But my arms were empty.

Tears came as I realized,

This was only a dream.

But one day, maybe soon,

Would be a dream come true.



Baby Call

As a paramedic, I see a lot of pain and brokenness. Part of that is being there in the moment of death. Death has no boundries. It chooses its victim with no thought of age, sex, denomination, economics, or lifestyle. It happens to the old, as well as the young. This was written after an infant cardiac arrest just 2 wks before Christmas.

Our time together was short.

You stopped breathing while in

Your mother's arms and

Someone called 911.

You were rushed to my ambulance

And was laid lifeless on the cot.

CPR was continued.

Come on little one, don't go, not yet.

You are so young, only 12 days old.

Your family has just begun

To get to know who you are.

They have big dreams for you.

It was early morning

As we raced to the ER.

In those short three minutes,

We did all that we could.

Into the ER you went

Doctor and nurses worked.

Hoping, praying your little heart

Would start beating again.

An hour had passed by

The glimmer of hope was fading.

IV, drugs, oxygen, monitor;

Still nothing had changed.

Your family was there when

The doctor said to stop.

Your mother cried "No!"

Wanting you back.

Out in the hall, a nurse cried.

An overwhelming sadness,

Heavy hearts, after doing everything

Possible, you were gone.

Being a paramedic, I'm

Supposed to save lives, its

What I'm trained to do.

But I couldn't save you.

God has a bigger plan and purpose,

Sometimes I don't understand.

For whatever reason,

He took you home to heaven.

So little man, you will never have to face

The troubles and trials of life.

What better place could you be.

Merry Christmas little one.

House Fire

This was written after a particularly draining call to a all nighter at a house fire.

One day up in heaven

An angel carried an armful

Of broken pieces to God.

"What's this?" God asked the angel.

"A paramedic's broken heart"

The angel replied.

I found it this morning.

She was walking home and

Threw these at me. She looked upset,

But I didn't get to ask what happened.

God looked knowingly at the angel.

She had a hard call last night

And two children came home

Early this morning.

Why do you do that to her, asked the angel.

She's been through this before,

Why not give her a break?

Because My will is perfect, said God.

Yes it is, agreed the angel.

Then why not make a paramedic

Without emotions, one who's heart doesn't break?

Because then some of My children

Would go through life never

Knowing love or that someone,

Even a paramedic cares for them.

She wasn't alone on that call

God told the angel.

I was there beside her

Through the night.

I was there as she worked

Quickly on the young girl

Who had been burned

In the house fire.

I was there holding her hand

As the news came that

There was no hope for the

Two children still in the burning house.

I was there as she held the grandmother

Who had just learned the awful news

About her two grandsons,

I held her up and gave her strength.

Remember, I made her for a purpose

And for that purpose I will see her through.

She is stronger than she may look

Because it is My hands that hold her together.

Untitled

Yesterday on my looooong drive home back to NC, I had this sudden gut feeling I had to pull over and write. I argued, which those of you who are smarter than me, will know you should never argue with God. But I did. I said I would stop and write when I needed gas or I got hungry. But no, I had to do it right then. And than bam! There was an exit with a gas station right there. So yes, God won the arguement and I exited and wrote. Here it be......Don't have a title for it yet....

Before the beginning of time
You had a plan.
You knew the choices I'd make
You knew the things that would be done.

Through everything that happened
You were there with me
Although I felt alone,
You were there holding me.

You sang to the little girl
Lying on her bed in tears.
You walked along side the teenager
Filled with hurt and anger.

You held the hand of the woman
Lying on that cold table at the clinic.
You held each of her babies
And knew her silent pain she buried.

Through all the abuse and rejection,
The darkness and brokenness
You were there loving on
Your beautiful little girl.

It doesn't make sense to me
Why I am this special to You.
Your love is overwhelming